Below are the 8 most recent journal entries recorded in The Hitman's LiveJournal:

Sunday, May 6th, 2001
6:51 pm	But A Portraiture This poem is dedicated to a young woman I have chosen to keep anonymous. It is an explanation of a girl who lives on her insecurities, day to day, giving you a view of what she feels as she finds one source, then another, of temporary relief for her loneliness, pain, and depression. If you run far enough, you will eventually find a cliff to fall off of. -But A Portraiture- Note my array in awe But stay perfectly silent A mere word turns me As does time, so well I want nothing of you You helpful, loving friend My company is reserved For the sycophant, the adulator Wise words I shun quickly Praise and love of man embrace I seek the laudation of these The temporary statues I keep They accompany my garden Absorbed with roses of transient flattery Oh, how beautiful they appear Then strangled by the undergrowth The wildly unprolific weeds of ignonomy They fall to the place they came from The dirt from whence I retrieved these In attempt to relieve the aridity I feel I force this bleakness upon myself I am unworthy to be held, so I sacrifice I sacrifice my reliance for fleeting requital Fugitive gratification binds me As I struggle to maintain prominence The backlash of my apathy pounds Driving me to the ground The ground from whence I came In which I found my security The very dust that now holds me Filth to which I have become captive I lie amongst the carnality I embrace This platform reflects self-absorption Burning me with the reality of my puerility Complacency has cast me here And so it keeps me For I offer no response If it must bind me, it must bind me I make no effort to overcome it For I make myself weak I make myself naive I make myself deceived I make myself a property And properties make me. (13 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, April 30th, 2001
3:29 pm	Apparition Burns What a song Songs I wish I could forget What a song to remember What a song to know You will always sing Whether you remember the music Or remember the rhythm You'll always be stuck with the words The words that they said The words you wish they hadn't Those words that hurt They hurt so badly... they made you cry Didn't they? Did those words sting? Yes, they stung like the first time That first time you touched the fire You were told not to They said it would burn But no, you were mesmerized By the glowing hot passion beneath the heat And burn it did Cold water only made it worse... Those scars are there forever... Just like the song Just like the words... Just like half of the music... I should have written those notes down While I still had a chance Or did I ever? Did I ever have a chance of not touching? Or does everyone get burned at some point? Is the knowledge that the sweet glow, That mesmerizing fire, is forbidden, Simply make you want to touch it more? Or am I just stupid? Am I the fool that these scars say I am? They never disappear... so am I forgiven? The burning still lasts... am I ever healed? But you're gone... and the scars replaced you No, they filled the empty spot in my soul The emptiness you left in your place These scars... they confine me to this mask The mask that everyone sees But that I know I could remove If I wasn't so ashamed of the scars The scars that say "I'm weak." The scars that admit I touched the fire The scars that say it still hurts... It's bad enough without them seeing... Without them knowing... It's bad enough that I can't forget you... Why can't I forget the words to this song? (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 17th, 2001
1:29 am	Slip Away Sleep well, my lifetime Time to kneel and pray Now close your eyes Tomorrow is a new day Goodnight, my love Now go to sleep The sky is dark Your dreams are deep Just like waves in the sea Waving you to sleep As I watch you drift away I cannot help but weep There's so much more I want to tell you So many things That I wish you knew Sweet dreams, my dreamer Please remember me Slip into peaceful slumber now You look so sweet and happy I wish that happiness Was something I could keep But I let it slip in my mistakes Now you are going to sleep... Sleep tight, my baby Close your eyes And dream of flying In clear blue skies Goodnight, my lifetime Tell me, can you hear? As I tell you that I love you As I whisper in your ear Sleep now, my beauty I know I cannot touch I wish I could hold your hand I miss you so much Goodnight, beautiful I really love you I wish you understood I don't know what to do Sleep deeply, dreamer I'm so sorry I hurt you I had no idea how you felt If I only knew Beautiful dreamer Now turn out the light Lay your head down I love you... I... goodnight... (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 5th, 2001
10:28 pm	Gunslinger Dusty desert city street The place where hate and anger meet A show-down spot in no-man's land The score lies settled in the sand You can come, but you won't walk Dead men don't hear, so they don't talk Sandstorm brewing in the brain Shuts out all the burning pain Dirt collecting at your feet Let's see if you can handle heat Mid-day sun is sizzling hot The time is right for getting shot Trigger finger getting numb Ready or not, here I come Brace yourself and grit your teeth Impact throws you off your feet Face-off with a lethal man Breathe your last right where you stand Some of us can't co-exist I'm the man that's never missed Come to pay the debt you owe Rest in peace on Shoot-Out Road. Current Mood: Bloodthirsty. (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 29th, 2001
11:56 am	Solitude -Solitude- Ah, but the loneliness calls From the deep of me What fulfills? Nothing I conceive. But you are there. S ee so many compromise So many sacrifice Integrity for intimacy Purity for purpose Yet no person fills This void of loneliness Will they ever learn? Will I ever learn? Alone I may be But lonely I should never For there you are In the dark, desolate place I find you, only you Reminding that only you matter Whom shall I fear? Whom shall I covet? None, for there is none other Never to seek empty phantoms Grasp the tangible being The very object of our love is all It determines our character... our heart What loneliness did you feel? As you bled that sweat As you hung forsaken, in suffering Crushed by the weight of my sins alone I cannot bear the thought Your loneliness was that of the desert Calling unto the rain Your father and god, deserting you As you ran dry, to fill this loneliness I feel now Death leaves most empty Yet fills the void in my soul Empty is the hollow, the rock of three days Filled is the sky, filled is the seat at the right Drawn to you in emptiness, filled with blood I find I could never be lonely Alone I may feel, but your hand is upon me Yet empty are these words Fill these, for alone I am nothing. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 28th, 2001
10:36 pm	Bite of Everything Good day, Mrs. Perfect How may I help you? Would you like your usual, just for today? Shall it be a dose of invisible darkness Or something to give you a boost on the way? Would you like a cocktail, spiced with a flaw? Just enough to keep all that will follow in awe? Are you leaving already? Does it not taste good? Its the best of the world! It certainly should... What's that? You feel light-headed, my friend? Why did you drink of the black poison, then? I only said you'd be able to see... It's working! It must be, cause now you see me. Look! Where's your clothing? Go, run and hide!! If He finds out, here you'll no longer abide. Goodbye, Mrs. Perfect, and you too, dear sir. Have fun with your freedom. The world is yours. Forever you'll taste of this fruit you've just eaten You never asked about losing the Garden of Eden. Current Mood: artistic Current Music: Life House - Hanging by a Moment (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 22nd, 2001
7:10 pm	Allegiance Welcome to America! Please stay for the show! You'll enjoy it, I promise Who knows where we'll go! Welcome to America! Land of the free! Standard stereotype Simple bigotry Welcome to America! Home of the brave! We'll take our pride Straight to the grave Welcome to America! Home of the best! We swear upon the Bible Put its contents to the test Welcome to America! Feel free to speak But say nothing "offensive" Withhold your Godly critique Welcome to America! The land of blue-chip stocks Living luxurious frivolity Opportunity just knocks Welcome to America! The land of the great! Enroll in our Marine Corps You'll get a medal for dying in Kuwait Welcome to America! Worship what you please! But don't talk about God here We'd rather worship trees Welcome to America! Home of easy sex It's sickening to look at We treat each other as objects Welcome to America! Land of government scandal Assassinate, extort, and play it off Another professional mishandle Welcome to America! O' say can't you see? The light of the coming dawn Will blind both you and me Welcome to America! For liberty we stand Endowed, true, and self-evident Home of the Ku Klux Klan Welcome to America! Please don't pray in our schools It makes people uncomfortable And it simply isn't "cool" Welcome to America! This is the place to be! Prosperity-at-any-price From sea to shining sea Welcome to America! Heart salute our flag You have a future here But it comes with a price tag Welcome to America! Such a beautiful place I hope you liked the tour What's that look upon your face? Welcome to America! I think you'll like it here! Even if all that we offer Is everything you fear Welcome to America! Be free in a new way! Excuse our wickedness God bless the U.S.A.! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 17th, 2001
3:30 am	Normal Being a hero isn't easy It's not supposed to be It's hard to stay real Fighting the things you feel Is it all just a waste? All the foes I have faced? Is it all just a sham? Can't I be a normal man? It baffles my mind An answer I just can't find Why you want to be me When you are so free I don't like to fly Makes me wonder why I don't like to fight Just want to sleep at night I'd trade this life anytime For a home I could call mine But I always feel so alone Doesn't matter where I've flown Beneath this fearless suit Is a kid on a passion pursuit I'm not allowed to dream All I think of is my theme Being a hero isn't fair I wish that I could be down there But someone has to do the job Might as well be a heartthrob God forbid I shed a tear Doesn't matter what I fear I'm a man, just like the rest But it's really hard to be the best. (Comment on this)